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Door to the River by Minx |
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Pairing: RL/SB Rating: NC-17 Summary: Remus is a DADA expert, and hell do anything for Sirius. Where will this combination take him? Disclaimer: If I owned them instead of JKR I wouldnt have had to write this story in the first place. Bitter? Who, me? Naaah. Notes: Spoilers for OotP. Big fat ones. Roche, as usual, has my fervent gratitude for her incisive comments and wonderful suggestions on earlier drafts of this. Any improvements are due to her; flaws and errors are all mine. |
Remus stared at the yellowing page in disbelief. He blinked and read the paragraph again. And again. He half-expected it to disappear, or to change its meaning before his eyes. But there it was, irrefutably. He grabbed another book, flipped through it to a chapter hed read an hour previously, and compared the two passages. There was no mistaking it. A promise. A possibility. For the first time in weeks, he felt a smile touch his lips. Remus? He looked up. Molly was hovering at the door to the library. How did you even get in here? she asked. That dratted Banishing Spell keeps sending me down to the kitchen every time I cross the threshold. He dragged his mind back. Oh, I bypassed it. Really? Good. Now I can get in here and She stepped over the threshold and vanished. I bypassed the spell, he said to the empty air. I didnt take it down. Hed been too focused on getting into the library and consulting the Black familys books. He picked up the books hed found and left the library. Molly had probably been coming to summon him to dinner. He wanted to keep reading, but hed found that if he didnt come to meals, someone would try to find him later and talk to him in that nervous, well-meaning way they had all adopted. He put the books in his room and went down to the kitchen. It was a small group at dinner: Molly, Ron, Ginny, Kingsley, and Moody. Remus found he was surprisingly hungry. Molly smiled at him approvingly when he passed his plate for a second helping; shed already forgiven him for her unexpected trip back to the kitchen (well, it was faster than if Id walked, shed said). Ron and Ginny were talking in low tones about Harrys upcoming visit. With a start Remus realized that it was already the end of July. He looked up from his food to see Moodys magical eye fixed firmly on him. He stared back. Finally the eye whirled around again. Alastor, not while were eating, please, Molly said, bringing a bowl of trifle to the table. Moody grunted and gave the trifle a deeply suspicious look before accepting his serving, but his eye stopped moving. Remus shook his head when Molly looked at him inquiringly. No, thank you. I think Ill just go up to my room. Good night, Professor Lupin, the children said in response to their mothers glare. Good night. He made himself walk out of the kitchen and up the stairs at his usual pace. Once in his room, he locked the door and sat down in his armchair with the books piled on his lap. Three hours later, he looked up and stared into space. He could do this, he thought. He could do it. He would have to planhe would need some supplieshe picked up a piece of parchment and started scribbling on it. He had covered the parchment with writing when he heard the tell-tale clomping of Moodys uneven gait on the landing. There was a pause in front of his door. Remus remembered with relief that he hadnt bothered to take down the concealing spells he had put up around the room when he moved in. Not even a magical eye could see through that barrier. After a couple of minutes, Moody walked away. Remus tucked the parchment into one of the books, stripped off, and got into bed. He woke up in the middle of the night, as he had every night for the past six weeks. He rolled over and put his arm around the extra pillow he hadnt let Molly take away. Pressing his face against it and inhaling deeply, he drifted back to sleep. Four days later, Remus was ready. He chose the date of Harrys arrival, so that he could arrange for the other Order members to be preoccupied with ensuring Harrys safety. In the back of his brain lurked the thought that he didnt want to give Harry the chance to become curious about his activities. He repressed the surge of anger that threatened to shake his hard-won control when he thought about Harrys recent actions. In his darker moments he doubted if Harry had learned anything from his reckless trip to the Ministry, and he didnt want Harry catching wind of what Remus had planned and trying to follow him. Moodys magical eye didnt whirl towards Remus once during dinner. Remus stayed in the drawing room for an hour after dinner, half-listening to the childrens chatter. Once, when Ron yelped with laughter, Molly made as if to shush him; Remus made himself smile at her and shake his head. When he left shortly afterwards, he heard the room go silent for a moment behind him. Remus waited for hours, until even the mutterings from Ron and Harrys room had died down. Then he cast a silencing charm on his room and Apparated to a park half a mile away. From there he made his way, Apparating in short hops to deter possible followers, to the Ministry. He stepped into the telephone box. Alphard Black, he said in response to the voices query. Here to request a permit to import flying carpets. He was torn between gratitude and anger that Fudges newfound cooperativeness hadnt actually extended to doing anything practical, such as increasing security at the visitors entrance. Gratitude won out as the telephone box carried him down to the dimly-lit Atrium. The fountain had already been repaired. Good evening, sir, the security guard said. Your wand, please. Remus stupefied him and walked on. His palms were sweating now; he wiped them on his shirt and summoned the lift. It seemed as if it would never arrive at the floor he needed, and he wasnt sure if he wanted it to or not. Finally, or all too suddenly, he was there. He stared at the unmarked doors for a long moment. Then he drew his wand and murmured, Revelatus! The doors shimmered and turned transparent, revealing the rooms behind them. The one he wanted was the fourth on the left. He hurried through it before the wall could revolve, before the spell could fade away, before he could lose his nerve. And then he was there, looking down at the archway. He made his way down to the stone dais and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket, drawing a large pentagram on the floor. He stood in the middle of it, laying a thin gold chain at his feet, and began chanting; the chalk lines started glowing, faintly at first and then more and more strongly as his voice grew louder. In each corner he poured out one of the vials he had brought: blood from his left wrist, drawn at dawn; blood from his right wrist, drawn at midnight; blood from his left elbow, drawn at noon; blood from his right elbow, drawn at sunset; blood from his scar, drawn at the darkest hour of the night. In the very center of the pentagram he poured the last vial, blood drawn from over his heart when the new moon appeared in the evening sky. Bars of light rose up from the lines hed traced on the floor and enclosed him. At last he finished the incantation and said the words that sealed the protective power into the necklace hed brought. The light flared brightly and then winked out; the necklace glowed for a second before fading away. Remus picked it up. The power of the spell was still vibrating around him. He fastened the chain around his neck and took a deep breath. He stepped through the veil, and gasped at the icy shock of it. But there was no air to fill his lungs, and he made no sound as he panted for breath. He blinked, but could see nothing. He had no idea how long that lasted; abruptly he was breathing normally. The air around him changed subtly, becoming greyer somehow. He realized he could see a little now. He looked down. He was standing on loose shale that shifted under his feet ceaselessly. There was a starless sky overhead, hung low with clouds, almost the same color as the dark shale. He started walking; his steps were silent. But around him he could hear a faint rustling. As he walked, the rustling grew louder. The chain around his neck was warm. He walked. The rustling was very loud now. He caught a glimpse of something moving out of the corner of his eye, but when he turned his head, he could see nothing. He wasnt sure if he did want to see anything that might be there. He walked. His legs didnt grow weary. There seemed to be a little more light around him now, or perhaps it was just a little less dark. The heat from the chain he was wearing spread through him, warming him against the clammy chill he felt everywhere else. He walked. The surface he was walking on seemed to change, and he looked down. He was walking through water that wasnt wet, that didnt make a sound as it eddied around his legs. It was a river the same color as the shale, and when he stepped out of it onto the shale once more and glanced back, it was already gone. He walked. He could have been walking for a thousand hours or a thousand days by the time he saw something, perhaps a figure, breaking the endless dark sweep of sky and earth. He stopped. His heart was pounding. One of the books he had found had said, What the seeker sees is not what is, but what he is capable of seeing. Remus thought that this meant he wouldnt see anything too horrifyingly incomprehensible, but he wasnt sure. He waited. The thingdefinitely a figure, he decidedgrew clearer, seemed to come closer. In the dim grey light, Remus realized that it was a sphinx. Queen of riddles, guardian of secrets. The sphinx opened her mouth and spoke. Her voice clanged like a gong. It is not often that a living mortal walks this plain. I am searching for someone, Remus said as steadily as he could. Do you think to cheat death? The metallic voice shook through him; even his bones were reverberating. He took a deep breath. He entered this place by accident. Many men think their death are accidents. She blinked slowly. He tripped. He fell through a portal, Remus said. He wasnt dead when he fell. Ah. A long pause. I know the one of whom you speak. He entered as you did, but he came unguarded. Remus didnt let himself hope yet. Yes. Why do you seek him? It wasnt his time. He tried to keep his voice even, tried to keep out all the pain and anger and resentment that roared through him. When is it any mans time? She tilted her massive head to one side. Remus looked in that direction and, with a shock, saw James standing there, a grey shadow, all the color washed out of him. The sphinx was staring at him. You did not come for him. No, Ihe He couldnt take his eyes off Jamess grey face. Im sorry, he whispered. Jamess drained eyes looked back at him for a second before he turned away and faded into the inchoate rustling. I ask again, the sphinx said inexorably. Why do you seek him? Remus bit his lip. I love him. It sounded so feeble. And hehe lost twelve years when he was He couldnt say alive, because then he would have had to say dead. Before he came here. I thinkI believe that he should have those twelve years back. Thats all I ask. Give him twelve years, to make up for the time he was in prison. Dead on earth. Twelve years. There was another long pause. Desperately, he added, There was a singer, once. He came for his wife. Yes. The sphinx stared at him. He gave a song for her. What will you give? Hope leapt in him. Anything. Myself. My life. Ah. The sphinx blinked at him. And would he accept this trade? Your life for his twelve years? She shifted, and in the space she left Remus saw him at last. Unlike James, Sirius wasnt grey; he was a shocking jolt of color, black hair, blue eyes, and fair skin against the dim sky and the sphinxs dull form. Sirius He tried to take a step forward, but couldnt; there was a compulsion holding him back. Siriuss head dropped, and he stared at his feet. He too seemed bound, restrained. Remus wasnt even sure if Sirius knew that he was there. Would he? The sphinx asked again. I dont know, Remus said, although he did. It doesnt matter. Doesnt it? You say he had no choice in the manner of his death. Would you take this choice from him as well? Remus couldnt take his eyes off Sirius. Yes, he said. To save him, I would. Your life for his twelve years, the sphinx said again. Freely given. That rang a bell. He latched onto the phrase. Yes. Freely given, he repeated. The sphinx shifted again, and Sirius stumbled forward, toward Remus. Take him, then. Leave this place. If you can. His jaw dropped. ITake him? He could barely get the words out; his mouth was dry. The sphinxs form blurred suddenly, and when she spoke, her voice sounded oddly like that of Minerva McGonagall. He has been somewhat of an anomaly, she said dryly. He bears too many hallmarks of his life for this place. Then the clanging, metallic voice returned. And you make a claim that cannot be denied. But it is not given to you to know the span of your life, nor of his. He may have twelve years or more, or twelve days. Or you may. I understand, Remus said. He reached out to take Siriuss arm, but that strange compulsion held him back again. The sphinx spoke. Certain restrictions must be laid upon you. Do not touch him, do not speak to him, and do not look at him once you have begun your journey. And the journey once begun must not be halted. Else he will stay in this place, and you must go on without him. I understand, he whispered once more. He looked at Sirius one last time, then turned and began walking. He couldnt hear anything from behind him, not even the rustling that had accompanied him before. Perhaps he should have told Sirius to follow him; perhaps Sirius was still standing there, waiting. But his own footsteps were silent, so maybe Siriuss were as well. And if he turned He didnt turn. He walked. He didnt know how long the silence lasted. Moony? Remus nearly stopped stock-still in shock. Siriuss voice, sounding confused and worried. Moony? Whats going on? Where are we? Remus opened his mouth and shut it again hastily. He walked on. Moony? Im kind ofI mean, this is really strange. Why wont you talk to me? Sirius was pleading now. Where are we going? Dont turn around, Remus told himself fiercely. He clamped his lips together against the desire to answer, to reassure. How long have I been here? Ive been so cold. Sirius hated being cold. Remus desperately wanted to turn around, to embrace him, to share the warmth of his protection spell. He kept walking. Its still cold. Cant youif I could just walk next to you. Can you slow down? Im sure I could catch up. Dont turn around, dont look at him. Remus tried to maintain the same steady pace. It was difficult, walking on the terrible little pebbles that shifted constantly under his feet. It was as if he were constantly walking uphill, but when he looked, the ground stretched, flat and even and endless, in front of him. He was tormented by the fear that the slippery stones would make him slide, lose his balance, twist around. That hed inadvertently see Sirius, or whoeverwhateverit was that followed him. Im really tired, Moony. Cant we take a rest? Remus opened his mouth to say no, but clapped his hand over his mouth and managed to stop himself. Dont talk to him. Dont turn around. I dont think I can go on. Ill just stop here for a moment. Then Remus could hear nothing, not even the soft shh of movement he only realized hed been hearing once it was gone. He almost stopped. But before he could come to a complete halt, he made himself pick up the pace again. Behind him the awful silence continued. His neck was tense with the effort of not-looking. He was growing tired, as he hadnt on the way in, and his footsteps were dragging. Ahead of him, all around him, a wash of dark grey made his eyes hurt as he tried to distinguish something, anything, that would tell him how much farther hetheyhad to go. At last there came a sad whimpering noise from behind him, as if Sirius had transformed into Padfoot. Remus heaved a huge sigh of relief. But the whimpering grew fainter and fainter, as if Padfoot were falling behind. Remus slogged on. Bring him back, bring him back, bring him back, ran through his head. His hands were shaking. Suddenly an agonized howl shocked him; he froze for a split second, one foot lifted. His hands flew up to the sides of his face like blinkers, keeping his eyes trained in front of him. He set his foot down into what he realized was that strange not-water river, and went on walking. The horrible howling continued. Bring him back, dont turn around, bring him back, dont stop, bring him back. He was panting, and his heart was hammering against his chest. The howling rose and rose until Remus felt as if his skull would split open. He was just barely shuffling forward now, dragging his exhaustion behind him like a leaden weight. He stared at his feet, trying to urge them on. And then he tripped over something, maybe a ledge, and fell forward, catching himself on his hands just in time. He got to his feet as quickly as possible and took another three steps before he realized that the howling had stopped, to be replaced by something else. Lupin! Dammit, boy! What the hell were you thinking? It was Moody. Oh. Oh, sweet mother of Merlin. He sounded awed. Remus looked up. He was standing on the stone dais. Moody was standing in front of him, staring over Remuss shoulder. Remus was frozen. He couldnt turn around. Moony, Sirius said from behind him. It seemed he couldnt speak either. Moony, Sirius said again. Moody gave an exasperated growl, grabbed Remuss shoulder, and turned him around bodily. And there he was. Sirius. He was crouched on the floor in front of the veil, rubbing his chest as if it hurt him. Remus fell to his knees. He stretched out a tentative hand; Sirius seized it. After a minute he registered that the chain around his neck was so hot it was burning him. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the lines of the pentagram hed drawn were smoking. He took off the necklace carefully and dropped it into the center of the pentagram, where it sizzled and vanished. Moody scowled. Time to go, lads, he ordered. Bad enough that I had to clean up after you, Lupin. Speaking of which he gestured to the pentagram. Remus got to his feet. What do you mean? The lines of the pentagram had caught on fire somehow; Remus blinked and extinguished the flames. The pentagram disappeared. Sirius struggled up, still clinging to Remuss hand. He swayed, and Remus untangled his hand and put his arm around Siriuss waist. Moony, Sirius whispered into Remuss ear. His breath was warm. Oh my God, Moony. You didnt Obliviate the security guard. He would have identified you in a heartbeat. Its that kind of carelessness thatll lose us the war, boy. Moody pulled out a battered fork from a pocket, and held it out in their direction. This will activate in thirty seconds. Remus put Siriuss hand on the tines and covered it with his own. That disorienting jerk/pull, and then they were whirled away. They arrived in a tangled jumble; Moodys wooden leg was jabbing Remuss side painfully. He disengaged himself and helped Sirius to his feet. They were in the drawing room of Siriuss house, and they werent alone. Molly was there, her face white and drawn. Oh, she said, and burst into tears. She tried to step forward, but Moody held up a hand. Stay where you are, he growled. As for you two He squinted at Remus and Siriusyoud better go upstairs and wait. Wait for what? Remus asked. Moody glanced around; what he was looking for wasnt apparent. The others, he said at last, very reluctantly. I see. He thought he did. All right. Sirius took a deep breath and started moving slowly to the door. Remus caught him up in two steps; he was about to take Siriuss arm when he caught the minute shake of Siriuss head. He realized that Sirius didnt want Molly to see how unsteady he was, and didnt touch Sirius until they were safely out of the drawing room and making their way up the stairs. Then he drew Siriuss arm over his shoulders. Siriuss body was solid and warm against his. They reached their room in silence. Remus guided Sirius to the bed and helped him sit up, propped against a stack of pillows. Sirius opened his mouth, but before he could speak, Molly came in with a tray of food. I thought you might be hungry, she said, setting the tray down on the bedside table. Hed never felt less like eating. Thank you, Molly. She darted a glance at Sirius. It wont be long before theyre here. All right. Thank you, he repeated. She looked at Sirius one last time and left, shutting the door behind her quietly. . Are you hungry? Remus asked. Sirius visibly thought about this. I dont think so, he said at last. ImI dont know what I feel. Confused. Ican you He stretched out his arms. Remus got onto the bed and put his arms around Sirius, who buried his face in Remuss neck. Moony. Oh God, Moony. You Sirius was shaking. Sirius. He petted the dark hair. Still no grey there. Sirius. Its all right. Youre here. He rested his cheek against Siriuss head and breathed in the familiar scent of his lover. Youre here, he said with more assurance. Howhow long was I Sirius had wrapped his arms around him and was clutching him tightly. Almost six weeks. Forty days, he said into Siriuss soft hair. Compared with the other time hed lost Sirius, it shouldnt have seemed long. But it did. What about Harry? How is he? Hes fine, Remus reassured him. Something occurred to him. You should have some chocolate. Hold on. He disengaged one hand and reached into the drawer of the bedside table. There was still half a bar of chocolate there; he unwrapped it and handed it to Sirius, who broke it in half again and thrust a piece back at him. They both ate. After a minute or two Sirius stopped shivering and simply lay against him, pressed up against him from head to toe. A knock on the door startled them. Theyre here, Molly said without opening the door. Can the two of you come down? He separated from Sirius reluctantly, and they went down to the drawing room. A surprising number of people were there: Moody and Molly, of course; Arthur, Tonks, Kingsley, andRemus wincedSnape. And Dumbledore. Remus blinked. Whathow did you all get here so quickly? He was supposed to be the only one who could activate the emergency contact spell that would summon all available members of the Order to Headquarters. There was a brief pause. Remus, Dumbledore said, its been three days. Molly let us know that you had ... left. Alastor and Kingsley have been keeping watch in the Ministry, and weve been waiting for Alastor to alert us if anything happened. Oh. He looked at them more closely; not everyone was meeting his eyes. Another question occurred to him. How did you know what was happening? Moody snorted. We found your notes when we searched your room. And you left a trail a blind man could have followed. Sloppy work, Lupin. Very sloppy. Remus shrugged. He didnt feel like telling them that he hadnt thought hed be coming back. He rather thought some of them had guessed that already. Wheres Harry? Sirius asked abruptly. Is he really all right? There was another pause. Harry is quite well, Dumbledore said. Hes at the Burrow. We thought it best that he not know ofnot know anything about this. He has been told that Remus was called away unexpectedly. But I can see him later, cant I? Sirius looked eager. Well Dumbledore adjusted his robes and looked away. Well see. At any rate, Snape broke in, shall we get on with it? I brought the Veritaserum. Of course. He should have thought of that. This will be a novel experience, Sirius said, sitting down on one of the few remaining chairs. Remus sat on the sofa next to Tonks, who squeezed his arm. Today her hair was neon green and hung in ringlets nearly to her waist. Telling the truth? Snape pulled out a vial of clear liquid and unstoppered it. No, the Veritaserum. Well, that and taking a potion from you without being afraid youre trying to kill me. You wouldnt dare, not in front of all these people. Not your style. He grinned through the strained silence that followed. I leave that to rash fools like you, Snape said, measuring three drops of the potion into a spoon and handing it to Sirius, who waited for Dumbledores nod before swallowing it. Are you Sirius Black? Dumbledore asked. Yes, of course. Another grin. Ask my mother, if you dare. Thats no good, Snape said. Ifthisthinks hes Black, hell be able to answer truthfully. Ask him something only Black would know. And dont let Lupin do it. Nasty suspicious git, mumbled Sirius. Snape drew breath to launch a counter-attack, but Dumbledore held up his hand. Now, then. Sirius, Remus, Im sure youll understand our caution. Severus, if you could just monitor the progress of the Veritaserum, that would be most helpful. He turned back to Sirius. Perhaps you could tell us what happened to you when youer, fell through the veil. Sirius shivered. God. Well, Bella had hit me with that Stunning Spell, so I couldnt move. I just plummeted. It was like falling when youre flying. Down, down, down. Seemed like I was falling forever. And it got so cold. He shivered again, as if he were still feeling it. Like Id never be warm again. Like Azkaban... What happened then? Dumbledore asked quietly. I dont know, really. I was in this place. This cold, grey place. And II think I saw James and Lily. Remus started. God, they looked so young, Sirius continued. Do you know, its just starting to sink in that Im almost twice as old as they were when they died? I always thought of Moony and me as still being the same age as James. But were not, are we, Remus? No, Remus whispered. Tonks squeezed his arm again. Sirius was fully under the influence of the Veritaserum now, talking away. Sometimes I look at you and I still see the boy I knew then. Isnt that strange? I dont see your grey hair at all, or your crows-feet, or those lines around your mouth. I just see you, Moony. I understand, Remus managed. He did, too; sometimes when he woke in the mornings and looked at Siriuss face, relaxed and unguarded in sleep, he saw the boy hed fallen in love with almost twenty years ago. Sirius, could you But Sirius was still intent on saying something, and overrode Dumbledores attempt to guide him. But I dont mind the grey hair or any of that. I dont care that were getting older. Its just that it was so odd to see James and realize how young we all were then. Young and reckless. Even you, Remus. I mean, coming to live with me after we left school wasnt the wisest decision youve ever made, was it? Remus was painfully aware of their audience, but Sirius seemed to be waiting for an answer. I didnt regret it, Remus said to him. I still dont. A smile spread over Siriuss face. Snape cleared his throat ostentatiously. Must we listen to more of this drivel, or can we get on with the real purpose of our meeting? Id hate to think I slaved for hours over that Veritaserum just to hear soppy declarations of puppy love. Shut up, Snape, Sirius said. Just because no one would ever want anything to do with you Sirius! Dumbledore interrupted. Can you tell us how you made your way back to this side of the veil? Remus found me, Sirius said promptly. I dontuntil he told me upstairs, I didnt know how long Id been there. It seemed like forever, though. I was just there, not doing anything. I knew something wasnt right, but I couldnt work out what it was. The sphThey called him an anomaly, Remus offered, strangely reluctant to go into detail about his own experience. Ah. Hm. Go on, Sirius. Dumbledore reached into a pocket and drew out a packet of sweets, which he passed around. Only Tonks took one. Remus found me, and he was talking. I dont think I could really hear everything. Maybe I wasnt allowed to. It seemed like he was talking to someone else, but I could only hear what he was saying. Sirius looked thoughtful. I heard enough, though. Moony, do you know what Im going to do when I get you alone? Remus felt his eyebrows shoot up. Next to him Tonks shook with suppressed laughter. Molly said quickly, Now, Sirius, we dont need to hear that Im going to kick your arse! What the hell were you thinking? Sirius glared at him. Remus shrugged. Molly looked relieved, while Tonks was clearly disappointed. What did he do, Sirius? Dumbledore asked. He was going to stay there in exchange for me. As if Id want to be here without him. A brief pause. Oh... Christ, Moony. Remus risked a glance around the room. Molly had started to cry; Arthur had his arm around her. The others seemed discomfited by these revelations, except for Dumbledore, who was looking thoughtful and all-knowing again. A gift, he said. Not an exchange. Was that it, Remus? Remus nodded. Freely given, he said. And shethey said it was a claim they couldnt deny. No, that it was a claim that could not be denied. Somehow the distinction seemed important. I see. Dumbledore appeared to be the only one who did see; the rest looked confused. And was there a journey? Yes, Remus answered. I dont know how long it took. Im not sure how time works there. It didnt seem like I was there for three days. He paused. Sirius? Sirius looked at him. Yes? Do you remember talking to me? While we were there? Sirius shook his head. I just remember following you. It didnt seem to take very long. I dont think I said anything to you. I know you didnt talk. Why? Did you think you heard me? Remus nodded. Its not important. Hed tell Sirius later, when they were alone. Dumbledore shot him a shrewd glance, but kept silent. What I want to know, Moody said suddenly, is if this really is Black or not. I saw him come out of that thing, but no one knows how it works, do they? I hate to say it, but Im with Snape. I want some proof. Snape nodded emphatically. Id like more than this fairy tale weve been hearing. Bad enough that the real Black might be back without putting up with an impostor. Or a fantasy sprung from Lupins thwarted ... passion. Sirius sprang to his feet, ready to pull out his wand; Dumbledore held up his hand. Sit down, Sirius. I do think it would be best if you could furnish some evidence as to your identity. He hates Snape, Tonks whispered to Remus. Thats proof enough for me. Sirius sat grudgingly, shooting one last blazing look at Snape. Fine. Ill give you proof, Snape. Go over to that writing desk in the corner. He pointed to an imposing piece of furniture, all curlicues and fretwork. Snape approached the desk warily. All right, Sirius said, theres a hidden compartment. See all those flowers carved into the top? Theyre all roses, except for one poppy. Find the poppy and press the center. The long yellow fingers traced over the surface of the desk. Suddenly Snape jerked his hand away as if it had been scorched. Ouch! Dammit, what kind of trick is this? So, you found it. It burns anyone whos not a Black. Siriuss voice was bitter, as it always was when he spoke of his family. Alastor, why dont you verify that? Dumbledore suggested. Moody joined Snape in front of the desk, wand in hand, and examined the piece of furniture minutely. At last he grunted. Yes, its keyed to the Blacks. Snape exploded. This proves nothing! Get over here! Sirius stood up, went to the desk, and pressed on the flower. A small panel slid aside. If you want more proof, he said, reach inside and take out what you find there. Snape glared. Why? Will I actually lose a finger this time? No, youll lose your entire hand. Sirius looked surprised. Veritaserum lasts a long time, doesnt it? When I make it, it does, said Snape. You take out whatever is in there. Sirius reached into the compartment and pulled something out, then held it out on the palm of his hand. It was a signet ring. This ones keyed to me. Moody waved his wand over it. Its keyed to Sirius Black, at any rate. Anyone else who touched it would have his hand blown right off. I thought you threw that away, Molly said. Her face was blotchy from crying. I threw my fathers ring away. This one is mine. I wouldnt have kept it, but it unlocks all sorts of useful things around the house. He looked at Dumbledore. Will that do it? Dumbledore paused. When he spoke at last, his voice was gentle. Just one more question. In your sixth year at Hogwarts, you told Severus how to find Remus in wolf form. Snape hissed and looked as if he wanted to go for his wand. Sirius turned pale. Yes. Afterwards I spoke to you in my office. Did you ever tell anyone about our conversation? Siriuss voice sounded choked. No. No, I didnt. Dumbledore looked at Remus, who shook his head. Sirius had never wanted to talk about that, and Remus hadnt wanted to hear anyway. What did you do when I finished talking with you? Sirius looked as if he were trying not to answer, but the reply was forced out of him. I cried. Remuss eyes widened. He had never seen Sirius cry. Snape, if you dare say anything, Ill hex you so hard your grandmother will feel it. Sirius was glaring fiercely. Snape gave him a little smirk. My lips are sealed. I mean it! Sirius took a step toward him. In fact, they will be, Dumbledore said. Everyone in this room has taken a vow of silence. Once they leave the room, they wont be able to speak of this unless I release them. Remus was relieved. Clearly, so was Sirius. All right. Fine. He took a breath, visibly calming himself. So, is that enough information? Or would you like to embarrass me some more? Dumbledore smiled indulgently. No, thats fine. Im satisfied. He said that in a way that implied everyone else should be as well. Only Snape, blowing on his burned fingers, looked as if he wanted to object, but Moody elbowed him sharply and Snape subsided. Good. Sirius turned to Tonks. Can I borrow your owl? I want to write to Harry and let him know what happened myself, so that he doesnt just have to hear it from Molly and Arthur. Then maybe I can visit him tomorrow. Hes at the Burrow, right? So I can Floo in. Im afraid that wont be possible, Dumbledore said. What? He thinks Im dead, for Merlins sake. I have to tell him Im all right! I have to see him! Siriuss voice was raised, and his eyes were blazing. No one outside this room can know, Dumbledore replied quietly. And thats already too many people, Moody grumbled, looking around as if trying to decide who the weak link would be. We can use you if everyone thinks youre dead. Oh, the way you used me for the past year, keeping me locked up here with nothing to do but listen to my mothers insane screaming and wait for Moony to come back from those bloody long trips? Sirius was yelling straight into Moodys face. Sirius, Remus said. Sirius! What! Sirius whirled and stared at him. Theyre right. You can be much more effective this way. And its safer. Not that that would have much sway over Sirius. Tonks chipped in brightly, You can be a secret agent! Wreaking havoc wherever you go. He does that anyway, Snape muttered. He was still nursing his burned hand. But Harry Sirius looked at Remus imploringly. I know. But He cant hurt you if he doesnt know youre alive, Remus thought. Better to rephrase that. If we keep this a secret, it will be much harder for anyone to use you against him. He decided to use the trump card. Its to keep him safe, Sirius. Its for Remuss sake too, Sirius, Tonks said. Necromancy is still illegal. She didnt add that Umbridges anti-werewolf legislation had tripled the penalties for werewolves found engaging in illegal activities. Remus felt compelled to clarify this. Technically, you know, it wasnt necromancy. Thats actual communing with the dead. I dont think Sirius was really dead, so this was Dance around it all you like, Lupin, Snape snapped. The fact is that you were practicing Dark magic and that makes your so-called friends very uncomfortable. So doesthis He waved in Siriuss direction. This things presence. Thats not the point! Tonks said. Dont accuse Remus of Dark magic. And were thrilled to have Sirius back! Are you? Sirius asked quietly. Maybe you are, Tonks. But as for everyone else I doubt it. So he too had noticed the way most of the others didnt want to meet his eyes. But all right. Ill play by your rules. Ill pretend to be dead. Ill hide out. Im good at that. But Im not going to stay here. No, Dumbledore said. I think it would be best if you and Remus went away for a while. And brush up on your glamours and Disillusionment Charms before you do, Moody ordered. Fine, Sirius said. Im tired now. If theres nothing else, Id like to sleep. Veritaserum, Remus remembered, was often followed by a kind of crash, in which the user collapsed. Yes, thats fine. Dumbledore popped another sweet in his mouth. We can arrange the details later. Remus, why dont you go with him? They were going to talk about him and Sirius, he could tell. All right. He got up and managed a smile for Tonks before following Sirius out of the drawing room and up the stairs to their own room. Sirius sat on the bed. Im not really tired, Moony, he said when Remus would have drawn the bedcurtains. I just said that to get out of there. Come here and tell me about this necromancy business. He patted the bed beside him. Remus sat obediently. It wasnt necromancy, really. I found some of your fathers books. One of them mentioned a way to get past that portal without being trapped behind the veil. Sirius waited. Hed learned how to be quiet in Azkaban, Remus thought. He went on. It only works for people who have already had awhat you could call a brush with death. So I think thats why the technique is almost unknown. It was described in one of those old handwritten spellbooks your father had. A bit more than just a brush with death, I think. Siriuss voice was gentle. He put his hand in the neck of Remuss shirt and ran his fingers over the scar there. Remus shivered at the touch. Yes. Youre right. Its a spell that can only be worked by ‘those who have had a death and been reborn themselves. When he closed his eyes, he could see the entire page of the book in front of him, the fine calligraphy describing horrors. So it is Dark magic, I suppose, since its most likely to be worked by Dark creatures. Werewolves. Vampires. Ghouls? asked Sirius. His hand was still inside Remuss shirt. Remus thought about that. I dont think so, since theyre not really reborn. Theyre more like ... the animate dead. Like me? Siriuss voice was very quiet. Remus turned his head and looked Sirius in the eye. No. Not like you. Youre alive. Youin that place, I saw the dead. And I saw you. You werent one of them. Did ittheywhatever you talked to really call me an anomaly? Sirius asked. Yes, Remus said firmly. He watched Sirius think about this, blue eyes focusing on a point over Remuss shoulder. So Im more like you, then. Dead and reborn. He smiled a little, as if this pleased him. And how long will it take Snape to work out what you did? Remus shrugged. Mad-Eye knows, but he wont say anything to Snape. So it depends on how long it takes Snape to find your fathers books once were gone. I put them back in the library and left that Banishing Spell up. Sirius grinned. Quite a while, then. My father loathed the Snapes. Kept calling them Johnny-come-lately nouveau riche upstarts. That kind of thing had a way of working its way into his spells, even when he wasnt trying for it. He smiled again. And Im getting out of here and leaving all that shit behind! Yes. Remus leaned against him. And youre coming with me. Sirius pulled his hand out of Remuss shirt and worked it into his hair instead. Yes. If you dont want to, you know, Ill stay here with you. The long fingers carded through Remuss hair. No, I want to. He caught Siriuss hand. Snape was right. Ill make them nervous. And this place is no good for you. That was putting it mildly. Well, if youre certain... Sirius yawned suddenly. Oh. Now Im tired. He shifted, kicked his shoes off, and lay down on the bed. What is it? He asked after a minute, looking up and seeing Remus staring at him. Its Remus started unbuttoning Siriuss shirt. Moony Sirius started to sit up. I dont know if I can No, I just wantI need toto be close. To see you. He pulled the shirt off and set to work on the trousers. All right. Sirius wriggled his way out of the rest of his clothes and stretched. Remus stared at the body he never thought hed see or hold again. Oh God, Sirius. He picked up Siriuss hand and kissed it, held it against his face, smelled it. The narrow wrist with its delicate pulsebeat; the smooth inner forearm and the crook of the elbow; the strong bicep and shoulder... He looked at, then kissed, every twist of muscle, every place hed kissed and loved a hundred thousand times before. He buried his face in Siriuss neck and inhaled deeply. Mm... Sirius had closed his eyes and was smiling faintly. Remus ran his hands over Siriuss chest, down his sides, over his belly, back up over his pectorals, down his arms and up again, delighting in the feel of warm, live muscle and skin under his fingertips. He trailed his fingers down the long thighs, lingered over the bony kneecaps, and kissed the place where the thigh muscle met the knee. He sat back on his heels and looked, looked, looked. Siriuss cock was half-hard, lying against his thigh. Remuss own arousal was lurking at the back of his consciousness, adding a languid tingle of pleasure to the feel of Siriuss body under his hands, against his mouth. He put his hand under Siriuss back and pushed him until he rolled over, stretching again. Remus picked up one of Siriuss feet and kissed the sole, the heel, the high arch. He investigated the delicate hollow of Siriuss ankles, gave a firm massaging stroke to his calves, and licked the back of his knee. Sirius laughed and tried to pull away; Remus held on more tightly and gave him a little bite there. He slid his hands up the backs of Siriuss thighs to his arse, rubbed slow circles on his buttocks, and kept on going up the long back to the broad shoulders, licking a broad swipe from the small of his back to the sensitive spot between his shoulderblades. Sirius was almost completely relaxed under his hands now. Remus leaned over him to kiss the nape of his neck and gasped as his forgotten erection brushed against Siriuss hip. He pulled back; Sirius reached back and groped at him lazily. Its okay, he mumbled into the pillow. Come here. And take your damn clothes off. I cant do both those things at once, Remus pointed out, hauling his shirt over his head. Clothes first, then. Sirius rubbed his cheek against the pillow like a cat. That would be easy enough, Remus thought, shedding his trousers and lying down next to Sirius. He propped himself up on one elbow and stared down at Sirius again. The blue eyes opened and looked at him. You dont have to stop touching me, you know. Sirius rolled onto his side, facing him, and stretched out a hand to trace the line of Remuss collarbone. God, you got so thin. Ill have to do something about that. He edged closer; his mouth was only an inch from Remuss. Remus waited, suspended in this moment before the kiss, looking into Siriuss eyes and feeling his breath, warm against his face. Siriuss lips curved in a slow, inviting smile. They kissed. It began as a gentle press of mouth against mouth, Remus savoring the feel of the soft warm lips against his. Then Sirius moaned and opened his mouth, and ferocious desire ripped through Remus. He groaned and rolled on top of Sirius, grinding hard against Siriuss belly. Sirius wrapped his arms around him, fingers digging into Remuss back, and thrust his hips up. Remus was burning up everywhere that Sirius was touching him; the feel of Sirius against him was driving him mad. He pulled his mouth away from Siriuss and started biting his throat. Then he felt Siriuss hand work between them and grab his cock. He bit harder, muffling his cry, and came over Siriuss stomach in a long pulse of pleasure. Sirius moaned again, rocking up against him, and climaxed with a shudder. After a minute Remus realized that hed slumped on top of Sirius, dead weight. He started to slide off; Sirius made a little noise of protest and rolled with him so that they were on their sides, facing each other, still embracing. Good thing I wasnt as tired as I thought. Sirius kissed him, then yawned. Sorry, said Remus, not feeling very sorry at all. I didnt actually mean to do that. I just I know. Sirius pulled the covers up over them, using a corner of the sheet to wipe off their bellies. God, Moony, he said suddenly. You came and got me. No, that makes it sound like you picked me up at the train station. You rescued me from death. He pulled back a little and stared at Remus. What were you thinking? Remus let his fingers wander into the long, dark hair. Do you remember when you came to my place last year? Sirius smiled. Mm, of course. And we talked about what had happened beforeabout James and Lily. And Azkaban. All that. Yes. Sirius was still relaxed. And I said some things to you. Do you remember that? He kept stroking Siriuss hair. I said I hadnt believed in you before, but that I always would now. And that Id do anything to be with you. Siriuss eyes widened. Yes, but I didnt think you meant youdthat was when we thought I might have to leave the country again! That was about you coming with me to the Canary Islands, not aboutabout me dying. Moony, tell me you wouldnt He stopped and took a deep breath. Tell me. What would you have done if you hadnt been able to take me out of that place? Remus paused. I would have come back without you. You would have wanted me to look after Harry. True enough, as far as it went. Sirius let out a breath. Okay. Good. He drew Remus to him once more. Dont ever do anything like that again. Promise me. He sighed; his breath stirred Siriuss hair. I cant. Remus I cant promise that, Sirius. Id do it again in a second. There was a little pause. Sirius was caressing his back lazily. All right, he said at last. I cant blame you. I was just trying to imagine myself ifif anything happened to you. His arms tightened around Remus. In a second, he echoed. They kissed again. Remus could feel Siriuss heart thudding against his chest, like a promise. He slid down a little and rested his head on Siriuss chest. He let the sound of the strong, steady heartbeat lull him to sleep. |
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